2012年12月英语四六级写作技巧之and和松散句
Rambling Sentences and the ubiquitous "and"
"and"和松散句
松散句在文章中随处可见，难以消亡。松散句在语法上并没错误，它只是太长，且干扰读者对文章的理解，不幸的是，犯有此类毛病的作者往往屡见不鲜。对此可遵循一条好的原则：如果发现一个句子长及两到三行，则仔细考虑两遍，它很可能要彻底改动。
Rambling: The plane was ready to take off; having never traveled by plane before he suddenly felt nervous as the sky ominously turned from gray to black, and threatening bolts of lightning shot across the sky, and thunder echoed in the distance.
Better: The plane was ready to take off. He had never traveled by plane and suddenly felt nervous as the sky turned ominously from gray to black. Threatening bolts of lightening shot across the sky, and thunder echoed in the distance.
Rambling: We regret to inform you that inclement weather conditions in our area have caused us to reschedule all deliveries for the month of February so that we must also reschedule shipment of your order to February 16.
Better: I’m sorry to let you know that a winter storm will delay shipment of your order until February 16.
松散句经常有很多"and"。在口语中，尚可多用几个"and" 但若过多地出现在书面英语中，则令人难以接受。取代"and"的方法是改用逗号或从属结构，或者干脆省略。
Plain: The Governor of Hong Kong descended the long and winding staircase.
Interesting: The Governor of Hong Kong descended the long, winding staircase.
Plain: My grandparents spent long summer hours under the old, tall and shady tree in the courtyard.
Interesting: My grandparents spent long summer hours under the old, tall, shady tree in the courtyard.
Plain: By attending this workshop, you will learn just which cosmetic essentials you need and which formulas are just your style.
Interesting: By attending this workshop, you will learn just which cosmetic essentials you need, which formulas are just your style.
Plain: To a man harassed by a nagging wife and undisciplined children, work away from home can be a great blessing, and a welcome escape.
Interesting: To a man harassed by a nagging wife and undisciplined children, work away from home can be a great blessing, a welcome escape.
Ineffective: The Yangtze River is one of the longest rivers in the world, and in the springtime it occasionally overflows its banks, and many people are endangered.
Improved: The Yangtze River, one of the longest rivers in the world, occasionally endangers many people during the springtime by overflowing its banks.
Ineffective: The village had a population of seven thousand, and a typhoon struck it, and it was practically demolished.
Improved: The village, with its seven thousand people, was struck by a typhoon and practically demolished.
Ineffective: He was the mayor of the town, and he was a genial fellow, and he invited the four young boys into his study.
Improved: The mayor of the town, a genial fellow, invited the four young boys into his study.
Ineffective: The central plain holds Switzerland’s major manufacturing facilities and many of them specialize in high-quality and precision products.
Improved: The central plain holds Switzerland’s major manufacturing facilities, many of them specializing in high-quality, precision products.
Plain: I had always wanted to go to college, and I had always wished to become an engineer, and so I enrolled at Dalian University of Science and Technology
Interesting: Because I had always wanted to enter college and prepare myself to become an engineer, I enrolled at Dalian University of Science and Technology.
Or Better:
I enrolled at Dalian University of Science and Technology to achieve my double purpose of attending college and becoming an engineer.
Plain: Near the center of the campus of our university a new building has been erected, and it is constructed of red brick.
Better: A red-brick building has been erected near the center of our university campus.
"and"和松散句
松散句在文章中随处可见，难以消亡。松散句在语法上并没错误，它只是太长，且干扰读者对文章的理解，不幸的是，犯有此类毛病的作者往往屡见不鲜。对此可遵循一条好的原则：如果发现一个句子长及两到三行，则仔细考虑两遍，它很可能要彻底改动。
Rambling: The plane was ready to take off; having never traveled by plane before he suddenly felt nervous as the sky ominously turned from gray to black, and threatening bolts of lightning shot across the sky, and thunder echoed in the distance.
Better: The plane was ready to take off. He had never traveled by plane and suddenly felt nervous as the sky turned ominously from gray to black. Threatening bolts of lightening shot across the sky, and thunder echoed in the distance.
Rambling: We regret to inform you that inclement weather conditions in our area have caused us to reschedule all deliveries for the month of February so that we must also reschedule shipment of your order to February 16.
Better: I’m sorry to let you know that a winter storm will delay shipment of your order until February 16.
松散句经常有很多"and"。在口语中，尚可多用几个"and" 但若过多地出现在书面英语中，则令人难以接受。取代"and"的方法是改用逗号或从属结构，或者干脆省略。
Plain: The Governor of Hong Kong descended the long and winding staircase.
Interesting: The Governor of Hong Kong descended the long, winding staircase.
Plain: My grandparents spent long summer hours under the old, tall and shady tree in the courtyard.
Interesting: My grandparents spent long summer hours under the old, tall, shady tree in the courtyard.
Plain: By attending this workshop, you will learn just which cosmetic essentials you need and which formulas are just your style.
Interesting: By attending this workshop, you will learn just which cosmetic essentials you need, which formulas are just your style.
Plain: To a man harassed by a nagging wife and undisciplined children, work away from home can be a great blessing, and a welcome escape.
Interesting: To a man harassed by a nagging wife and undisciplined children, work away from home can be a great blessing, a welcome escape.
Ineffective: The Yangtze River is one of the longest rivers in the world, and in the springtime it occasionally overflows its banks, and many people are endangered.
Improved: The Yangtze River, one of the longest rivers in the world, occasionally endangers many people during the springtime by overflowing its banks.
Ineffective: The village had a population of seven thousand, and a typhoon struck it, and it was practically demolished.
Improved: The village, with its seven thousand people, was struck by a typhoon and practically demolished.
Ineffective: He was the mayor of the town, and he was a genial fellow, and he invited the four young boys into his study.
Improved: The mayor of the town, a genial fellow, invited the four young boys into his study.
Ineffective: The central plain holds Switzerland’s major manufacturing facilities and many of them specialize in high-quality and precision products.
Improved: The central plain holds Switzerland’s major manufacturing facilities, many of them specializing in high-quality, precision products.
Plain: I had always wanted to go to college, and I had always wished to become an engineer, and so I enrolled at Dalian University of Science and Technology
Interesting: Because I had always wanted to enter college and prepare myself to become an engineer, I enrolled at Dalian University of Science and Technology.
Or Better:
I enrolled at Dalian University of Science and Technology to achieve my double purpose of attending college and becoming an engineer.
Plain: Near the center of the campus of our university a new building has been erected, and it is constructed of red brick.
Better: A red-brick building has been erected near the center of our university campus.
